Matahari Jingga

2017 akhir aku putuskan untuk merantau lagi. Setelah tahun sebelumnya gagal dalam 6 bulan merantau dan di serang berbagai penyakit, mulai dari rindu rumah, mag tiada membaik, insecure mendarah daging dan penyakit people pleasure yang bersarang di anak yang belum genap berusia 18 tahun yang nekat hidup sendiri tanpa perencanaan yang matang dan tidak mau meminta bantuan. Beberapa alasannya masih sama, mengejar cinta masa remajanya, mengejar hidup bebas tanpa aturan di sekitarnya, dan berlari menuju tempat yang sepi untuk menghidupi jiwanya. Naif memang, karena sejauh apapun dia berlari dunianya tidak pernah sepi. Ramai akan selalu menetap di dalam kepalanya. Sehening apapun keadaan sekitar, tak akan ada damai yang dia capai. Tetapi dia tetap melakukannya. Karena dia memang sungguh se-naif itu. Sebelum dan sesudahnya tiada henti dia selalu berterimakasih kepada seseorang yang pada akhirnya membuat dia mempunyai tekad sebulat ini. Ralat, tekadnya memang selalu bulat, nekat adalah ciri hidu...

To the person who i love.. like... or I interested to.. how's the feel being someone whose the name always i called? everyday, everytime, or every opportunity? how's the feel being someone who can see my worse time? how's the feel being someone who can see my tear? or easily makes my tear drop? how's the feel being someone who always get some suggestions about anything without u asking? and last... how's the feel being someone who always listen to every.... weird thought.... in my mind? how's the feel being that one? suck? tired? sick of me? or.... ilfeel? well, sorry to make you feel that way. I really appreciate every single time that you spent with me. Every understanding.. every emphasize..every anger.. and everything..... yes sometimes I makes everyone who i love, like, or interested to sick of me. sick of everything on me. but believe me, I can do all that things cause i get comfortable with you.. and believe me, you makes me break my high wall, and let yo...

 I just realized we can't delete the feeling. All that I do is just try to ignore it, denial, and not be honest. Someone said if I fallin' to somebody I will give them a lot of exception. Well, I think I do. I ever feel a lot of things between us so different, but, I try to didn't care about it. Yes, I loved clingy boy, but you are clingy to.... everybody. I am a very jealous girl, and you didn't like it. I loved something clear, not blurry. But you are so grey. But again, there are so many exception that I can give to you. You wanna be friends? let's be friends. You wanna be bestie? Sorry I can't I still wanna be a girl, so please look at me like I am a girl. Do you ever think that I can be strong? Yes, I am, but still, I am the clingy one. But I am only clingy to the one who I want, so, if you think I'm clingy or maybe too clingy, well you are that one. Should I give you some congratulation ? Well, I think no, 'cause it's not something you think is...