Different, would it be bad?

The hurtest part is not because we are broken, but how about the plan we made?

 That sentence really wakes me up.

I became silent for a while, not cause I don't feel the pain.

I do feel it. More or less.

But then I remember, you will not feel the pain.

You will not think about it.

Even think about me.

There is no goodbye in our farewell.

You just left because I don't give you a text.

Think we're broken just cause I do nothing for our conversation.

And said, I left you because I ever complained about our communication.

Maybe, you just forget.

About how long I waited for your text.

How excited I am about our communication.

Either it's just a text, a call, or a meeting.

And maybe you don't know, the day I text you and tell you about how busy I am until I forget to text you a week, It's a lie.

Cause, there is no day that I'm not waiting for your text.

There is no day, that I'm not checking my phone, and hoping I'll see your name in the notification.

And also, there is no day that I'm not I debated in my head, should I  be the one who starts the conversation? 

Or debating, until when should I wait?

I know, the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is not about who should start the communication first.

But, I just want to know, how long you can ignore me, your girlfriend.

And the fact you can ignore me for a few days, or maybe more than one week, does not make me leave you.

Then I put my ego back, and text you first.

Again, it's not about who texts who first.

But it's about I try to ignore you for a few days, and give you some space until you want to text me.

But, you're not.

Instead, you think I left you.

Then you think I'm not your girlfriend anymore.

Then we break up on the day I put my ego back and try to make the first move.

I still trying to make up our relationship, but, yeah, I know you will not.

You said you will never hold someone if they wanna leave.

Then you forget, the fact, I don't wanna leave you.

I became silent not because I don't feel the pain when we're break up.

I'm just, trying to follow you.

The less I cry, the more it feels hurt.

But, I can't express it.

It feels like, I'm used to it.

Yeah, the hurtest part is not because we break up.

But, how about the plan that we made?

It is just small talk, or you really meant it?

I don't know.

But yeah..

The last poem for you in 2022.

Still bad and amateur, but, it's from deepest heart.

30 December 2022,

Matahari Jingga.